


Jaime Lannister Investigations - Episode 4 of 13

by ShirleyAnn66



Series: Jaime Lannister Investigations [4]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Modern AU, Remington Steele AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-10-24 12:53:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10742094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShirleyAnn66/pseuds/ShirleyAnn66
Summary: Series Summary:The great detective, Jaime Lannister? He doesn’t exist. I invented him. It was working like a charm—until the day he walked in, with his green eyes and mysterious past.Episode 4:All Jaime and Brienne have to do is design a security system to be used in a movie and provide advice to the scriptwriter.  It's the exactly right kind of light case that may be exactly what they need to get past the emotional fallout of their last case and for Jaime, it's a dream come true.  What could possibly go wrong?





	1. Teaser

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N1:** The characters in this episode are a mix of characters from the Dunk and Egg books as well as the ASOIAF books. You may not recognize some of the names, but they are all canon (at least according to the Wiki of Ice and Fire :) ).
> 
>  **A/N2:** I’m currently editing one of my original novels as well, so my writing time for fanfic will be a little curtailed for the next while. However, I will be updating as regularly and as quickly as possible.

Awesome banner by the equally awesome justme. :)

*/*/*/*/*

The mood in the Jaime Lannister Investigations offices is consistently glum for two weeks before Jaime decides he’s had enough.

He stomps into Brienne’s office, plants himself in her doorway and says, “We need to find a case.”

Brienne raises an eyebrow, her magnificent eyes cool, and says, “We’ve had several cases.  We just finished one today, in fact.”

Jaime rolls his eyes.  “That was nothing but simple insurance fraud.  Hardly worth using our impressive detective skills to solve.”

“ _My_ impressive detective skills,” Brienne says drily, “and those simple cases keep the lights on while we wait for meatier cases.”

Jaime wanders closer to her desk and raises an eyebrow as she crosses her arms and leans back in her chair to scowl at him.

“Look,” he says, lowering his voice so Bronna won’t overhear, “are you still pissed about Cersei?”

He’s rewarded with pursed lips, a glare, and a tightening of Brienne’s shoulders.

“What you do in your private life is none of my business,” she growls.  “I’m just grateful you’ve both managed to keep it out of the media.”

Jaime drops his gaze and keeps his eyes on the play of light and shadow on his gold hand.  “We learned a long time ago how to be discreet,” he murmurs and bites back a bitter laugh.

Brienne abruptly straightens in her chair and starts shuffling the papers on her desk.  “Well, you just better keep it that way,” she grumbles.  “I’ve worked too hard to have everything disappear because of somebody else’s carelessness.”

Jaime watches her bent head and opens his mouth, but before he can speak, there’s a discreet chime as the door to the outer office opens.

They pause, listening as Bronna greets their visitor—a man, judging from the deep voice that responds to her—and they both look up with expectant expressions as Bronna walks into the office.

“Your two o’clock is here,” she says.  “A Gormon Peake?”

Brienne nods and stands, unfolding to her full height.  Jaime appreciates the sight although a part of him rather wistfully remembers those four inch silver stilettos she’d worn when they were chasing after Arya Stark.

Then the name Bronna said sinks in.

“Gormon Peake?” he says.  “The famous movie producer?”

Brienne and Bronna stare blankly in response and he rolls his eyes.

“You all still have so much to learn,” he mutters, and heads to the outer office before anyone can stop him.

“Mr. Peake?” he says, radiating charm.  “Jaime Lannister.”

Gormon Peake is sour mouthed, with dark hair and neatly trimmed beard sprinkled with silver and gold.  His eyes are thoughtfully calculating as he shakes Jaime’s left hand.

“I’m honored the great Jaime Lannister himself has taken the time to meet with me,” he says.

Jaime thinks he can hear Brienne’s teeth grinding behind him.  “If you’re the Gormon Peake behind some of the greatest heist and spy movies of the last ten years, then the honor is all mine.”

“Guilty,” Gormon says, his lips twitching into a half-smile.  “I take it you’re a fan?”

“Oh, gods,” Brienne groans, “please don’t get him started!”

Peake raises an eyebrow at her and Jaime smiles.  “My most trusted associate, Brienne Tarth.  Brienne, Mr. Peake is the producer of such classics as _Selmy’s Heroes_ , _The Great Train Robbery_ , and—of course—the Jeor Bond franchise.”

Brienne’s smile is suitably impressed while remaining coolly professional.

“Of course,” she murmurs. “Won’t you come in to the boardroom, Mr. Peake, and tell us why you’ve asked to meet with us today?”

They settle at the boardroom table, and while Bronna brings them coffee, Peake says, “The fact that Mr. Lannister—”

“Jaime, please.”

Peake tilts his head in acknowledgement.  “The fact Jaime is a fan makes me hopeful you’ll agree to my request.”  He leans back in his chair, his fingers steepled in front of him.  “As mentioned, I am the producer of the Jeor Bond franchise.  We’re getting ready to launch the next series of movies with a new actor in the title role. The announcement will be made next week and filming will begin four weeks after that.”

Jaime sits up straight.  “ _Please_ tell me it’s Daemon Blackfyre,” he pleads.  Brienne gives him a disapproving frown and he shrugs.  “Don’t look at me like that—I have a hundred dragons riding on the answer!”

She shakes her head and turns back to Peake.

That gentleman is watching them with a sour half-smile on his face.  He says, “Well, you’re going to be a hundred dragons richer, Jaime:  it _is_ Daemon Blackfyre, and his first Bond girl is Daenerys Targaryen.”

Jaime’s eyes widen and he whistles.  “The scions of two acting dynasties, made legendary by their family feud, working together for the first time?”  He shakes his head.  “Box office gold.”

Peake nods.  “The new movie is called Dragons are Forever.”

“Right,” Jaime murmurs.  “So what do want with us?”

“I’d like to hire you as consultants.”

Brienne frowns.  “Consultants?  We know nothing about making movies.”

“Speak for yourself,” Jaime mutters and she rolls her eyes.

Peake’s half-smile reappears.  “Your expertise in security is what I need.  The plot of the movie revolves around a plan to break into the vaults of Casterly Rock in order to steal Westeros’ supply of gold bullion.  Naturally, the Lannisters of Casterly Rock are not forthcoming about their real security measures.”  He leans forward, his dark eyes intent.  “I want to hire you to critique our fictional security system for the movie’s version of Casterly Rock and then help us determine the most dramatic albeit realistic way to get past it.”

Brienne says, “But why—?”

“We’ll do it,” Jaime blurts, his hand clamping down on hers, stopping her in mid-sentence, “on one condition.”

Peake raises an eyebrow.  “Which is?”

“We get to watch you film it.”

*/*/*/*/*

Brienne turns to Jaime as soon as the door closes behind their new client.

“This isn’t a case!” she snaps.

He grins at her, his eyes shining with excitement.  “It’s a _movie_ , Brienne!  We get to help create a movie!”

Brienne glares but finds her annoyance melting beneath his bright-eyed and almost bouncing enthusiasm.

She rolls her eyes then points a warning finger at him.  “No hounding the stars for autographs,” she warns.

Jaime gleefully rubs his gold hand.  “No promises.”

“Just don’t embarrass me, then.”

He laughs.  “No promises,” he says again.  “Come on, Brienne—relax!  This is a chance to have some fun.”  He abruptly sobers and takes a step closer.  “Nobody’s going to die,” he says, suddenly gentle, “and the only crime is fictional.  Maybe this is just what we need.”

She looks down and turns away.  “Well,” she mutters, “it’ll be different, anyway.”

*/*/*/*/*


	2. One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:**   I have absolutely no sense of time anymore, it appears.  I could have sworn I posted the teaser two weeks ago…apparently it’s only been a week…o.O

 

*/*/*/*/*

Gormon Peake arrives two weeks later with his team. 

“My screenwriter, Hyle Hunt,” he says, his expression as sour as if he were introducing the man who had stolen his car.  He gestures to his other companions and says, “Glendon Ball, our special effects director, and my wife, Margot Lannister-Peake, who is also our set designer.”

“Lannister?” Brienne says sharply.

Margot nods.  “I’m distantly related to Lord Tytos of Casterly Rock.  We’re also great friends since I grew up in Lannisport and saw him often.”  She smiles at Jaime.  “Tytos and I have been trying to place you in the family tree...?”

Brienne flushes as Jaime airily waves his hand.  “My branch is easily lost in the tangle, thanks to a number of black sheep and rogues who fell out with the family from time to time.”  He leans closer and lowers his voice to a conspiratorial rumble as he says, “There’s also some question about the legitimacy of my great-great-grandfather.”

Margot’s eyes widen while Brienne closes hers and hides a groan.

Jaime nods with a teasing smirk.  “Oh, he’s definitely a Lannister, but family legend has it that his mother gave him the Lannister name out of spite after his father and his family refused to believe the babe was his.  Quite the spitfire, my three-times-great-grandmother.”

Margot’s eyebrows rise.  “Intriguing,” she murmurs.

“Yes,” Brienne hastily says, “but not getting any work done.  Please, follow me to the boardroom.”

*/*/*/*/*

As they work with their new clients, Brienne has to grudgingly admit the assignment is interesting enough.  Each person takes a turn explaining the premise and plot of the movie, and their role in making the movie come to life.  Jaime sits and listens with a wide-eyed, excited innocence that makes Brienne melt until she sternly reminds herself she’s still angry with him, even now, four weeks after the Jon Arryn case.

She’s not _jealous_ of his relationship with Cersei, only angry with his decision to rekindle their affair while Cersei was a suspect in a murder investigation.  Brienne still sees red when she thinks of how he put the reputation of the agency at risk.  The fact Cersei Baratheon is considered to be one of the most beautiful women in the world is beside the point. 

As is the fact that the man calling himself Jaime Lannister has been in love with Cersei Baratheon his entire life and she, Brienne, had almost begun to hope—

Brienne brutally stops that train of thought in its tracks. 

Despite his beauty and the hormone rush he still gives her when she’s not careful, it’s not like there was ever going to be...well... _anything_ happening between them.  She doesn’t even know his real name, for the gods’ sakes!  Besides, he flirts with everyone and anything he says can’t be taken seriously.

No, no, she’s upset with him because of the precarious position the agency is now in as a result of his choices...and that’s the only reason.

“Brienne?”

She blinks and returns to the boardroom and the people intently watching her.

“I—I’m sorry?”

“We’re wondering what kinds of security measures might be in place to guard such an important landmark as Casterly Rock.  It houses all the gold reserves for Westeros, after all,” Hyle Hunt says.

He’s an ordinary looking man with calculating eyes, and Brienne frowns as she notices he seems to be looking at her like she’s a safe and he’s trying to figure out the combination. 

She gives him a polite smile.  “Well, certainly all the usual security precautions:  motion detectors, heat detectors, cameras, time locks, and, of course, the human element:  multiple armed guards.”

“In your movie, the guards can be bribed,” Jaime says, “or, with enough time and planning, swapped out with the villain’s own people.  The trick is to make sure the substitute guards don’t all leave at once after the job’s done.”

Hyle is busily typing on his laptop.  “Would you swap them all out, or just one or two?”

Jaime shrugs.  “Depends on whether you want to kill anyone.”

Margot says, “Well, it’s a Jeor Bond movie; people are going to die.”

Jaime says, “Then for maximum drama, only swap out one or two because whoever is the inside person will need to kill all the other guards.”  He scowls thoughtfully into the distance.  “Makes it difficult to not be suspected afterwards, of course.”

“It’s a Jeor Bond movie,” Brienne says drily, “he’s going to stop them before they can get far anyway.”

Jaime’s smile is blinding.  “I have taught you well, my child.”

She snorts and rolls her eyes.  “Please.  My dad’s been watching those movies since before I was born.  Everyone knows Bond always saves the day.”

Peake’s half-smile is fleeting.  “Always pleased to meet a fan,” he says, although his sour expression says otherwise.

“Still,” Hyle says, “is all of that going to be dramatic enough for the franchise?”

“Well,” Jaime says thoughtfully, “all of those security measures have been shown being breached before.  _Die Hard_ , _Euron’s Eleven_ , _Karstark’s Heroes_ , _Mission Impossible_ —the list goes on and on.  What we need is something new that hasn’t really been seen before in film.”

“How about biometrics?” Brienne says.

Jaime nods.  “Retinal scans and fingerprints.”

“DNA.”

“Facial recognition software.”

“Add in a laser grid criss-crossing the vault door.”

“Invisible, of course,” Jaime says.  “Pressure sensors immediately in front of the vault door.”

“Noise detectors sensitive enough to pick up someone’s breathing.”

“Automatic release of tear gas.”

“Deafening klaxons.”

“Guard dogs.”

“Although they would be impacted by the tear gas.”

“True; they would have to be guarding the outside perimeter.”

“Stop, stop, stop,” Hyle says, throwing up his hands in defeat.  “I can’t type that fast!”

“Besides,” Peake says, “we also have three fully fleshed out security systems for you to review and critique.  We can use one of these as the basic design and add in other elements to increase the dramatic tension.”

He hands them several pages of descriptions and rough drawings and Jaime and Brienne study them in thoughtful silence.  Out of the corner of her eye, she notices Jaime’s eyebrows go up as he reviews the second schematic.  He glances up and catches her questioning gaze.  He frowns a little as he shakes his head, then turns his attention back to the information in front of him. 

Brienne does the same and when they’re finished, she looks once again at Jaime.  He lifts up one of his pages and she nods.

She turns to their clients and says, “The second one would be the best,” she says, “at least in terms of a robust, real-world security system.”

Peake nods and says, “Then that’s the one we’ll start from.”

Hyle rubs his hands together and says, “Now all we need to do is to figure out what bells and whistles to add, and the most dramatic ways to circumvent it all.”

*/*/*/*/*

The next several hours is filled with spirited arguments as Brienne and Jaime bounce ideas off each other and Hyle does his best to write everything down, interspersed with Glendon Ball’s questions and Margot’s quickly sketched storyboards to illustrate the action.

When they finally take a break, Hyle sidles up next to Brienne as she refills her cup with coffee.  She gives him a polite smile and lifts the coffee pot in question.  He nods and she fills his cup as well.

“Tarth,” he says, his eyes thoughtful as she hands him his cup.  “Are you related to the Evenstar?”

“Distantly,” Brienne says.

Hyle’s eyes light up then narrow.  “How distantly?”

“I have no idea,” Brienne says and hopes he doesn’t notice her flushed cheeks.  She glances up and catches Jaime watching them with an interested look on his handsome face and her flush deepens.

“The Evenstar has no children of his own,” Hyle says, “and Tarth is not that common a name.”

Brienne’s smile is fleeting.  “Don’t let the name fool you,” she says.  “There has always been a tendency towards girls on the Tarth side.  And, as I’m sure you remember from your high school history classes, when a woman becomes the Evenstar, she takes the Tarth name as do her children, as decreed by Queen Brienne I.  Archaic now, I suppose, but you can’t say the Westerosi don’t like their traditions.”

Hyle hums thoughtfully.  “Still...you must have _some_ stake in the Isle of Tarth?”

“My father owns a small plot of land on the western coast, yes,” Brienne says carefully, then gives him a tight-lipped smile.  “We should get back to work.”

*/*/*/*/*

Jaime and Brienne regularly meet with Gormon Peake and his team over the next two weeks, and Brienne finds herself practically cornered by Hyle at every opportunity.  He’s pleasant enough, she supposes, and he seems to be genuinely interested in learning more about her, even though the conversation invariably turns back to Tarth and the Evenstar’s lack of an heir.

Finally, she says, “Look, I am nowhere near inheriting the Isle of Tarth!”

Hyle gives her a look like she just kicked his puppy.  “I’m interested in you,” he says in wounded tones, “and I’m just trying to think of something to talk about.”

She frowns.  “And Tarth and the Evenstar are all you can come up with?”

His ordinary face creases with a charming smile.  “Well, you could come out to dinner with me so we can find more... _personal_ topics to discuss.”

“Sounds wonderful,” Jaime says as he strolls up to them, “but right now we’re working.”  His smile is as charming as ever although his eyes are cool.  He turns to Hyle.  “Plus you’re leaving bright and early in the morning for Lannisport.  Don’t want to stay up too late tonight and miss your plane.”

Hyle’s own smile falters a little then rallies.  “I’m sure I can manage,” he says and turns to Brienne with a hopeful air.

She blinks and says, “Unfortunately, I’m not available tonight.”  She glances at Jaime’s raised eyebrow then quickly turns her attention back to Hyle.  “Mayhaps when you return.”

Hyle’s grin is wide as he digs out a business card and hands it to her.  “Call me anytime,” he says.

Jaime and Brienne watch in silence as Hyle strolls back to the boardroom.

“You didn’t blush,” Jaime murmurs.

Brienne scowls at him.  “What?”

“When you told him you were busy; you didn’t blush.  Are you holding out on me?  Do you have a date tonight, Brienne?”

She glares.  “Not that it’s any of your business,” she growls, “but it’s my regular Girl’s Night with Bronna.  We don’t break that date unless we absolutely have to.”

“She wouldn’t understand?”

“She would understand completely; doesn’t make it right.”

Jaime falls into step with her as they, too, head back to the boardroom.  “True.  I don’t blame you for turning him down, even if you weren’t busy.”

“He’s seems nice enough,” Brienne says and Jaime laughs.

“High praise indeed,” he says, lightly mocking.  “I just think you can do better.”

“Well,” she says with a tight smile as she brushes past him through the boardroom doorway, “at least he’s not married.”

*/*/*/*/*

They wrap up their meeting and Gormon Peake shakes their hands and says, “Your assistance has been invaluable in this first phase.  We’re leaving for Lannisport in the morning, and as promised, I’d like you to join us on location when filming starts next week.  Besides finding it interesting, you can help us work out any last minute kinks in the sequence once we start filming it.”

Jaime’s eyes light up like he’s receiving his first ever nameday gift.

“I’m not sure...” Brienne begins, but Jaime wraps his hand round her upper arm.

“May I confer with my associate for a moment?” he says, his voice silky smooth.

She scowls as Jaime all but drags her from the boardroom and into his office.

“Why are you balking at this?” he demands as soon as the door is closed behind them.  “It’s perfect!  A trip to Lannisport and Casterly Rock, all paid for, and really, how much work are we talking about?  Plus we get to watch the actual production of a movie!  Think of how much fun that will be!”

Brienne snorts.  “It may not be as fun as you think,” she mutters, “real life seldom is.  Besides, another case came in this morning, remember?”

Jaime rolls his eyes.  “Another insurance claim to investigate.  Big deal.”

“Those cases are our—”

“Bread and mead, yes, yes, yes!  But you don’t need the Great Detective Jaime Lannister himself for this one, do you?  Besides, I know you usually just rope me in so I have something to do.”

She raises an eyebrow.  “More like so I can keep an eye on you.  I also didn’t know I could convince you to stay out of the cases.”

“All I’m suggesting is, if you’re not interested, then I can go alone.”

Brienne’s eyes widen.  “With all the gold in Casterly Rock tempting you to make a try for it?”

He waves her words away.  “Been there, done that.  I’ve never been on movie set, though.”

“Been th—you know, what?  I don’t want to know.”  Her eyes narrow as she suspiciously considers his smirk and the teasing gleam in his eyes.  “Can I trust you to behave the way the Great Detective Jaime Lannister would behave?”

He rubs his gold hand in glee.  “If there’s one thing I can do, Brienne, it’s get through a security system.”

She rolls her eyes.  “That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”

He laughs then sobers.  “I won’t let you down.  I promise.”

*/*/*/*/*


	3. Two

***/*/*/*/***

“Brienne Tarth speaking.”

“Have you missed me?”

“You left less than six hours ago, Jaime.”

“Still.”

“Why are you calling?”

“Just wanted to let you know I’ve arrived safe and sound in Lannisport and have not once embarrassed you or the agency.”

“Yet.”

“Your lack of faith is disturbing, Brienne.  I’ll remember this attitude the next time you ask for a raise...are those your teeth making that grinding noise?”

“Good _night_ , Jaime.”

*/*/*/*/*

“Brienne Tarth speaking.”

“You know, you could just say hello when you know it’s me.”

“You’re assuming I recognize your number.”

“You mean it’s not programmed into your phone?”

“You didn’t use the same phone until these last few weeks!”

“Good point...How are things?”

“You’ve been gone for a day, Jaime!”

“That’s practically forever in the life of a private investigator!  How’s that insurance case going?”

“It’s still in progress.”

“You should have come to Lannisport with me.”

“You could have stayed here.”

“Hey!  They’re paying us, you know; plus I’m actually working.  It’s not like I’ve buggered off to the Summer Isles for two weeks.”

“Are they keeping you busy?”

“Reviewing revised schematics, yes.”

“You sound odd.”

“They have some pretty sophisticated designers here.  They’re coming up with some interesting ideas.”

“Any of them even remotely plausible?”

“All of them, actually.  We’re still trying to determine the most dramatically tense way for the villain to break in and get the gold.  Your boyfriend is still working on the script.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“No?  He keeps telling me how the two of you bonded.”

“He is not!”

“‘Brienne’ this and ‘Brienne’ that—although come to think of it, he talks about Tarth even more.  He seems convinced you’re an heir to the Evenstar.  Something you haven’t told me, Brienne?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.  He’s just making assumptions—sort of like how people assume you must be an heir to Casterly Rock...well, not _you_ , obviously.”

“Obviously.  Well, Hunt seems smitten, no matter the reason.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Hey—if you’d come with us, you’d see it for yourself, although I wouldn’t have approved of you romancing somebody while on the job.”

“Like you did?”

...

...

“...do as I say, not as I do.”

“Are you ever going to apologize for that?”

“Is that what you’re waiting for?  An apology?”

“Don’t you think you owe me at least that much?”

“My life has always been complicated.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“It’s the only one I have.”

“...I’m not sure that’s enough.”

“It may need to be.”

“...Goodnight, Jaime.”

*/*/*/*/*

“Brienne Tarth speaking.”

“Really, you don’t need to be so formal.  I’m using the same phone; you should program my number in.”

“Aren’t you worried I just won’t answer?”

“No.”

“Well, maybe I’ll surprise you!”

“Oh, don’t be so offended!  You’ll always answer simply because you’re too worried to ignore me.  You’re afraid I’m going to do something embarrassing.”

“Or illegal!”

“Fair point.”

“How _have_ things been going?”

“…how’s the weather?”

“Jaime!”

“Well, since you ask so nicely...is there something wrong with your phone?  I’m hearing that grinding noise again...”

“For the gods’ sake!”

“Okay, okay!  Things are going well.  The schematics are...realistic.”

“What is it about those schematics that’s making you react like this?”

“...it’s not something I want to talk about over the phone.  I doubt anyone is listening but I think the story is something I’d prefer to share when I can see your face.”

“Oh, gods.”

“Anyway, the actors arrived today.  I’m sure you’ll be pleased to learn that Daemon Blackfyre is even more handsome in person than he is onscreen.”

“I’m not even sure I know who Daemon Blackfyre is.”

“...I think I need to start taking you to more recent movies...I guess you won’t mind learning he’s gay, then?”

“Why would I care?”

“In case you’ve been dreaming about marrying him.”

“I already went through all that with Renly Baratheon.”

“Been there; done that?”

“Like you and Casterly Rock, apparently.”

“...apparently.  Anyway, Daenerys Targaryen also arrived with her latest lover, Daario, in tow.”

“Daario who?”

“Just Daario.  He’s some aspiring romance novel cover model.  He’s handsome enough, I suppose, but I’ve already told him the three-pronged blue beard has _got_ to go.”

“...I’m not even going to ask.”

“The main villain is being played by Jorah Mormont, and you will never guess who has a minor role as a supporting villain.”

“I never will, no.”

“You don’t even want to try—?”

“ _Jaime!_ ”

“Joffrey Baratheon.”

“Oh, sweet Seven!”

“And he’s brought Sansa Stark along for the ride.  He tells everyone who will listen he’s trying to cheer her up after the deaths of her aunt and uncle.”

“Such a kind man.”

“You need to work on faking your sincerity.”

“Gods, I hope I won’t ever need to see that little shit again!”

“You and me both.”

“When does filming start?”

“Tomorrow.  They’ll be filming some of the dramatic confrontation scenes for the next couple of days and then we’ll start filming the break-in.”

“Well...I hope you enjoy yourself.”

“Thanks.  You should have come with us.”

“We have another client.”

“Not finished yet?”

“Almost.”

“We’ll be here for at least another week if you change your mind.”

“Goodnight, Jaime.”

*/*/*/*/*

“Brienne Tarth speaking.”

“Seriously, you need to come to Lannisport.”

“I told you last night—”

“If for no other reason than you should have been here to watch the absolutely horrendous shit-show that is Joffrey Baratheon trying to act!  The kid had _one line_ and he just kept fucking it up.”

“Are you surprised?”

“I’m not surprised he’s bad; I’m shocked at just _how_ bad he is!  Sansa thinks he’s wonderful.”

“I should have Bronna talk to her.”

“I doubt she’ll believe a word Bronna says.  She also missed the worst—and last—of Joffrey’s tantrums.  Alyn Cockshaw—”

“ _Who?_ ”

“Daemon’s significant other.  Or significant-other-of-the-moment.”

“…his name is Alyn _Cockshaw_?  _Really?_ ”

“This is the kind of shit you just can’t make up.  Anyway, Alyn took Sansa for dinner because they were still trying to get the scene in the can.  Joffrey went off on a tantrum the very next take.  He started blaming Daemon, saying Daemon’s timing was all wrong, and then he started yelling at Dany—Daenerys Targaryen—calling her a no-talent bitch.  Joffrey took one step towards her and Jorah punched him and—like father, like son—the kid went down like a stunned auroch.  Needless to say, he’s been escorted from the set and barred from returning.  Daario confirmed Joffrey and Sansa were on the next plane back to King’s Landing.”

“...good gods...”

“And you thought filming a movie would be boring.”

“...I guess I was wrong.”

“Well, not by much, although I hate to admit it.  It is a bit dull because they do so many takes.  Still, I’m glad I’ve had the opportunity to peek behind the magic of what shows up on screen.”

“Well, don’t let it ruin your love for the magic of what’s on the screen.”

“...I won’t.  And thank you; that was sweet.”

“...nothing sweet about it; I just don’t want to have to listen to you complain about it.”

“Ah, of course…still.”

“Goodnight, Jaime.”

*/*/*/*/*

“Brienne Tarth speaking.”

“You still haven’t put my number into your phone?”

“It’s habit, Jaime.”

“Well, that’s a slightly better reason, I suppose.”

“How was your day today?”

“Good.  Without Joffrey slowing everything down, the filming went without a hitch.  They’re building the Casterly Rock sets over the next couple of days and then we’ll be filming the break-in sequences.”

“They’ve settled on what they’re going to do?”

“...yes.”

“Are you ever going to tell me what’s bothering you about it?”

“When I get back.”

“Right.”

“I promise.  It’s not important, anyway.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.”

“All right.  No more fights on set, then, I take it?”

“No, no more fights.  Yet.”

“Yet?”

“Jorah’s rather obviously infatuated with Dany and Daario does not appreciate it.  At all.  And I’m afraid Alyn Cockshaw has given me what might be his obligatory ‘Daemon’s mine; hand’s off’ lecture.”

“…is there something you haven’t told me, Jaime?”

“Well, I’m not bisexual, if that’s what you’re wondering.  Although I have to admit…Daemon is a _very_ attractive young man.  Gods, hopefully Alyn isn’t listening in!”

“Why?”

“He’s very jealous, and from the way he glares at me, I’m afraid he’s going to bash me over the head and dump my body down a well.”

“Well, you need to stop flirting then.  You shouldn’t give people hope when there isn’t any.”

“…that sounds oddly specific.”

“It doesn’t—I’m not—it’s a simple observation.”

“…I see.”

“I’m not sure what you think you see—and it doesn’t matter anyway.  Anything else new?”

“Well, we should be finished in about a week.”

“So we should enjoy our freedom while we still can?”

“You miss me and you know it.”

“You wish.”

“No wishing involved when you know something is certain.”

“Goodnight, Jaime.”

*/*/*/*/*

“Brienne Tarth speaking.”

“I swear, when I get back, I’m going to convince Sam to set up a special ring-tone on your phone so you’ll know it’s me.”

“I’ll still answer the same way.”

“Stubborn woman.”

“What’s been going on today?”

“They’ve built the Casterly Rock sets.”

“...and now you sound strange about that, too...oh my gods...when you said you’d ‘been there, done that’…?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny your deduction.”

“Gods, Jaime—!”

“I said I’d tell you all about it when I get back, and I will.  But the sets...they’re exact duplicates.”

“…well, Margot Lannister-Peake _is_ Lord Tytos’ cousin and close friend.  She’s probably seen the vaults before.”

“...true.  She must have also seen other details as well.”

“Other—?  Fuck.  The security system.”

“Yes.  And you and I both provided advice on how to plausibly bypass each component of that security system.”

“ _Fuck!_...I’ll be on the first plane to Lannisport I can find.”

“No, no—I didn’t mean to worry you so much!  After all, it may be nothing.  A coincidence; Lord Tytos just helping out his cousin.”

“Do you truly believe that?”

“Do you?”

“…I’ll see you tomorrow.  Goodnight, Jaime.”

*/*/*/*/*

“Brienne Tarth speaking.”

“Ms Tarth?  This is Commander Addam Marbrand of the Lannisport City Guard.”

“……yes?”

“I understand your employer, Jaime Lannister, is consulting on a movie being filmed here?  Specifically, he’s been providing advice on how to breach Casterly Rock’s security measures?”

“How to breach a _fictional version_ of the security measures a facility such as Casterly Rock might employ, yes.”

“So I’ve been told.  We understand he’s been the driving force behind the design of the security system to be used in the movie.”

“It’s been a team effort, Commander Marbrand.”

“Still, we would like to speak with Mr. Lannister.  We’ve been trying to get in touch with him all morning, to no avail.  It also doesn’t appear he slept in his hotel room last night.  When was the last time you spoke with him?”

“Around nine p.m. yesterday, King’s Landing time.  I can find the exact time on my phone.”

“Do you have any idea where he might be?  Or why he isn’t answering his phone?”

“I don’t keep tabs on my employer 24-7, Commander; there may be any number of reasons why he’s not currently not available.  What’s this all about?”

“There was an attempted robbery last night.  An attempted robbery of the vaults at Casterly Rock.”

*/*/*/*/*

“Thank the gods—where are you, Jaime?”

“It’s Tyrion.”

“...how did you get Jaime’s phone?  Are you in Lannisport?”

“I’m not in Lannisport and I don’t have Jaime’s phone.  I just made sure his number would show up on your phone and you’d pick up.”

“...how—?  Gods, I don’t have time for this!  I’m—”

“On your way to Lannisport; I know.  So am I.”

“How—?”

“I’ll explain everything once we’re in Lannisport.  If you haven’t yet booked a hotel, I would like to recommend the Lannett.”

“...I see.”

“You probably do.  There’s a reason you’re a private detective.  I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Tyrion!”

“Yes?”

“Why are _you_ going to Lannisport?”

“...he’s my brother.  And he’s in trouble.”

*/*/*/*/*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** It’s amazing how quickly a chapter comes together when it’s just dialogue – LOL. If anyone’s wondering, I sorta visualize the conversations happening in a montage/split screen. If you’ve ever seen Rock Hudson/Doris Day’s movie, Pillow Talk, you’ll know what I mean by the split screen approach. ;P (Suddenly feels the urge to watch old movies…)


	4. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And this time got away from me in the opposite way; I could have sworn it's only been a week since my last update - LOL.

*/*/*/*/*

Commander Addam Marbrand is tall and handsome with neatly trimmed copper hair and beard.  His eyes are sharp and all-seeing as Brienne introduces herself.

“Have you heard from Mr. Lannister?” he asks as he shakes her hand then gestures her to a chair in front of his desk.

“No,” she says, “but I’m sure you knew that already.”

Marbrand’s smile is thin and fleeting.  “We just want to speak with him, Ms Tarth.”

“Is he a suspect?”

“He is a person of interest.”

“So, yes.”  She frowns at him, drumming her fingers against the armrest of her chair.  “Can you at least tell me why he’s a person of interest?”

Marbrand thoughtfully considers her then says, “As I told you on the phone, there was a breach of security at the Casterly Rock vaults.  During the course of our investigation, we received a tip that the movie being filmed in Lannisport includes a plot very similar to what just happened.  We spoke to the film crew and were given the final schematics of what is going to be included in the movie.  Once we analyzed the information, we realized there were far more similarities to the real security system than differences.  We would therefore like to speak to Mr. Lannister about his role with the production company, both in designing the system for the movie and his advice regarding how best to breach it.”

Brienne’s gaze doesn’t waver.  “If he were behind this attempted robbery, do you truly believe the great detective Jaime Lannister would be so blatantly obvious?”

Marbrand flashes his smile again.  “We both know that people do stupid things all the time, especially when money is involved.”  He leans forward.  “When you talk to Mr. Lannister—and you will—impress upon him that it would be in everyone’s best interest to come in and speak with us.”

*/*/*/*/*

Jaime’s hotel room is as pleasantly impersonal as every other hotel room Brienne has ever seen.  Even after several weeks, Jaime has not left a single hint of his personality on the space.

Brienne carefully inspects every inch of it, although she’s not sure what she might find that would give her a clue about Jaime’s current whereabouts.  Still, it gives her something to do while she waits for Tyrion to contact her.  She’s booked into the Lannet, as he suggested, a low-rise hotel in the old part of Lannisport, crouched in the shadow of Casterly Rock itself.

She sighs as she finishes a desultory search of Jaime’s clothes.  She closes the last closet door then walks to the middle of the room, hands on her hips, and turns slowly round, eyeing every corner.

A slightly darker patch of carpet near the bathroom door catches her eye.  She  crouches to inspect it and finds it damp to the touch.

She rocks back on her heels and scowls at the offending piece of flooring before she turns her gaze to the wall.

There, just above the baseboard, she sees what appear to be several tiny specks of blood.

*/*/*/*/*

“ _Blood?_ ” Bronna screeches into the speaker, and Brienne closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose.

“Minimal amount,” she says again. “It may not even be his.  Anyway, I’m sure he’s fine.”

“He better be!  We haven’t even made it through half the Jeor Bond movies!”

Brienne bites back a laugh and says, “Sam, I need you to see what you can find from the hotel cameras.”

“Already working on it,” Sam says.

“Good.  Text me when you have something.”

“What’s next for you?” Bronna asks.

“I’m going to find out how a movie is made.”

*/*/*/*/*

Hyle watches her with a slightly predatory expression as Brienne strides towards him.

“We meet again,” he says, smirking.

“Obviously,” she says drily.  “Is there somewhere we can talk?”

Hyle’s eyes light up with what seems to be genuine pleasure and for a moment, Brienne wonders if she’s done him a disservice.  He leads her to a boardroom where he turns to her and says, “You could have just called; I would gladly meet you in any hotel you name, although hopefully you booked a penthouse suite for us to enjoy.”

Or maybe not, she thinks, and gives him a thin-lipped smile.  “I’m looking for Mr. Lannister.  Have you seen him?”

Hyle frowns.  “I was hoping I could distract you from all that...”

“My employer has gone AWOL and you thought you could distract me?”

He shrugs.  “Worth a shot.  I didn’t think you liked him all that much.”

“I like him fine,” she snaps and as angry and disappointed as she’s been with Jaime since the Jon Arryn case, that statement is still true.  “I like him fine,” she says again, “and it’s not like him to disappear without at least sending me a text to tell me where he’s going.”

“Well, I’m not sure what I can tell you,” Hyle says.  “I haven’t had much contact with Jaime since we finalized the break-in sequence.”

“Who had the final say on that?”

“Oh, Gormon Peake, of course.  He’s a very hands-on producer.”

Brienne nods, frowning.  “How was Jaime on set?  Was he distracted?  Did he give good advice?  That sort of thing.”

Hyle’s smile is both condescending and self-deprecating, which Brienne reluctantly admits is a skill.  “How would I know if his advice was good?  Glendon seemed to understand it all and thought it was helpful, even if he did keep changing the set up every time they talked.”

“Jaime did?” Brienne asks, her voice sharp enough to make Hyle blink.

“No, no--Glendon!  Every time I came near them, they were arguing over some contraption or other, trying to disable it.”  Hyle grimaces.  “I’m all for realism, but honestly--when this hits the big screen, who’s going to know if it’s accurate or not?”  He shakes his head.  “Nothing but a waste of time and money.”

*/*/*/*/*

Hyle sends her further on to the set in search of Margot Lannister-Peake and Glendon Ball.  It’s more of a maze than she expects and she’s peering round, trying to find the landmarks Hyle mentioned when four people, deep in conversation, round the corner and almost bowl her over.

In the flurry of apologies and introductions, Brienne immediately recognizes Daemon Blackfyre once she sees him; his handsome face has stared out at her from enough billboards and magazine covers.  With his silver and gold hair and compelling blue eyes, he’s everything a movie star is supposed to be, as is his co-star, Daenerys Targaryen.  Petite with long silver hair and light purple eyes, she has the Targaryen ‘look’ described in the history books, even if the true Targaryen line died out centuries ago.  Her lover, Daario, is handsome and well-muscled, or mayhaps it’s an illusion created by his too-small and far-too-unbuttoned shirt.  His beard is carefully groomed into three peaks and dyed a deep, rich blue, and even if he’s a cover model for the more lurid romance novels on the market, Daario looks as ridiculous as Jaime claimed.

As for Daemon’s lover, Alyn Cockshaw, that man is not what Brienne expects: innocuously handsome, with a pudgy face, dark blonde hair and a suspicious scowl, he’s obviously awkward and uncomfortable as part of this quartet.

Well, she can at least relate to the suspicious scowl.

“Brienne Tarth?” Alyn says.  “Why do I know that name?”

“I work with Jaime Lannister,” she says.

She watches as Daemon’s face lights up. 

“Ah, Jaime!” Daemon says with what seems to be real pleasure.

Alyn’s suspicious scowl turns to a suspicous glare as he sidles a little closer to Daemon and puts a possessive hand on the taller man’s elbow.

Daemon doesn’t seem to notice as he shares a grin with Daenerys, who seems just as pleased.  Brienne reminds herself these people are actors as Daemon says, “I haven’t seen him in a couple of days and I have to say, I’ve missed him.”

Alyn’s grip tightens.  Daemon absently pats his hand and says, “Jaime certainly knows how to lift the mood on the set, doesn’t he, Dany?  He’s been utterly charming and truly interested in everything that goes into making a movie.  He’s usually running all over the set, talking to the crew and the actors like a kid on his name-day.”

Dany nods with a beaming smile.  “I’ve loved having him here; he’s a huge Daemon fan--it’s almost embarrassing!  Is he always so enthusiastic?”

“When he’s passionate about something, yes,” Brienne murmurs and watches with interest as Alyn’s lips tighten and the muscles in his jaw jump.

“Do you know where he’s been the last few days?” Daemon asks, almost wistfully.

“For gods’ sake,” Alyn growls, “it’s been less than twenty-four hours since you last saw him!”

An uncomfortable silence follows Alyn’s outburst until Brienne finally says, “Well, I only just arrived in town and I haven’t seen him yet, either.  I’ll let him know you were all asking about him.  Now, I’m looking for Margot and Glendon.  Am I still on the right track to find Margot’s office?”

“You’re almost there,” Dany says with a forced smile.  “Take the next left, then it’s two doors down.”

*/*/*/*/*

Brienne finds both Margot and Glendon in Margot’s office.

“I haven’t seen or heard from Jaime for a couple of days,” Margot says, and Glendon nods in agreement.  “Mind you, we’ve been busy setting up the next filming location.  You’re lucky we’re here, actually.”

“I understand the City Watch has spoken with both of you?  You know what’s happened?”

“Of course,” Margot says.  “Tytos called me even before the City Watch arrived.  It makes sense, of course.  I mean, what are the odds that there would be an attempt to break into the Casterly Rock vaults just as we’re here, making a movie with that very plotline?”

Brienne raises an eyebrow.  “Are you the person who called in the tip to the City Watch?”

Margot blinks then laughs.  “Of course not!  Just because we’re making a movie doesn’t make us suspects!”  She frowns.  “Although mayhaps Tytos suggested it?  We were all there for supper a week or so ago, and Tytos took us for a tour of the vaults—well, as much of the vaults as we were allowed to see, of course!  Tytos was so excited to have Casterly Rock be featured in a movie!  He even let us take quite a few pictures so we could replicate the look and feel of the vaults as closely as possible, although really--there are very few people who will know whether it’s realistic or not.”  She shakes her head.  “Same with that blasted break-in sequence.  I told Gormon we should have just used everything you and Jaime suggested and run with it.  Who’s going to know it’s nowhere close to reality?”

“I think the guard direwolf was a step too far,” Glendon says drily.

“Guard direwolf?” Brienne asks, surprised.

“Jaime was trying to think of something more dramatic for the movie,” Gormon Peake says from the doorway and they turn towards him as he strides into the room.  “It was a bit too unrealistic, even for a Jeor Bond movie.”

Glendon snorts.  “A direwolf would have been perfect--except for the fact they’ve been extinct for centuries and we’d have to explain how Lord Tytos was able to find one to guard Casterly Rock.”

“So who came up with the final design for the movie?” Brienne asks.

“It was a team effort,” Gormon says.  “As you know, we tried different combinations of security measures.  Based on the different ways to break through each one, I think what we’ve finally settled on will have everyone on the edge of their seats.”

*/*/*/*/*

Brienne’s phone rings as she walks into her hotel room.

“Tell me you have something, Sam,” she says.

“Nothing definitive.  Jaime’s hotel doesn’t have CCTV in the hallways outside the rooms.  He arrived at the hotel around nine p.m., but we don’t see him leave.”

“For the gods’ sake,” she mutters.  “Any unusual activity?”

“Pretty standard comings and goings in a high-end hotel,” Sam says in frustration.

“There were two guys at around midnight,” Bronna says.  “Nothing really unusual about that, only one was dragging a large suitcase when they arrived.”

Brienne frowns.  “Still not unusual.”

“Well, he was dragging that suitcase again when they left, and they never checked out.  They just walked out and went straight out to a car.”

“License plate?”

“Wrong angle,” Sam says gloomily.  “We can figure out the make and model but we never get a clear shot of the license plate.”

“Damn it!”  Brienne pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs.  “Well, send me screenshots of those two men and let’s see if I can recognize them.  Good work, guys.”

She hangs up and almost immediately, her phone rings again.  Her heart leaps when she sees Jaime’s number on the screen.

“Jaime?”

“Still Tyrion,” Tyrion says with a thread of amusement in his voice.

She deflates.  “I was wondering where you were.”

“I’ve been doing my own sleuthing.”

“Have you found him?”

“Would you like to go on a field trip?”

“Tyrion--”

“You’ll find the door to the back stairwell next to room 24.  Take the stairs all the way to the bottom; don’t let any doors stop you.  I’ll meet you there.  Oh, and you may want to leave your phone behind.”

Tyrion hangs up before Brienne can respond.

*/*/*/*/*

The stairs go further than she expects, given the size of the hotel.  With each door she goes through, the walls of the stairwell change from smooth brick to rough brick to solid rock, and the light in the stairwell grows more and more dim.  She shivers and wonders how often anyone goes this far beneath the hotel.

She finally reaches a door that opens into a slightly larger space, large enough for the dim lights to leave dark shadows hiding the farthest corners of it.  She shivers again and thinks she’ll kick Jaime’s ass into next week if this is all just an elaborate ruse to frighten her.

She startles as Tyrion emerges from the darkness.  He’s dressed all in black, a laden backpack slung over his shoulders.

“Good,” he says, “it doesn’t seem like you were followed.”

She scowls.  “Pretty tough to be discreetly followed in a stairwell,” she says drily.

“True; doesn’t mean it can’t happen, though.  Did you leave your phone?”

“Yes, although I feel very vulnerable without it.”

“Makes you wonder what we did before we had cell phones, doesn’t it?”

She rolls her eyes.  “Did you lure me here just to banter with me?”

Tyrion grins.  “Unfortunately, no, although I’m willing to banter with you no matter where we meet.”  He turns and gestures for her to follow him.  “Let’s go find Jaime.”

*/*/*/*/*

The shadows hide a small nook, and in the far corner, out of view of the stairs, there’s an opening with an even deeper darkness on the other side of it.  Brienne pauses when she sees it and Tyrion laughs.  He slips his backpack off and pulls out two flashlights.

“No more lights where we’re going,” he says.  They click the flashlights on and Tyrion waves her ahead of him.  “Don’t go far,” he warns.

She shines the light into the narrow passageway and is relieved to see it’s at least tall enough for her.  “I won’t,” she says as she steps through.  “What are you going to do?”

“I’m just closing the door,” Tyrion says, and Brienne turns at the sound of rock gliding against rock and fights a sudden flash of claustrophobia as the slab of stone locks into place, sealing them inside.

“Don’t worry,” Tyrion says as he sidles past her and heads into the tunnel, “there’s more than one way out.”

*/*/*/*/*

They walk without speaking and Brienne quickly loses all sense of time.  The darkness ahead and the darkness behind makes it seem as if they’re walking in place and for a moment, she wonders if she’s died and this is actually one of the seven hells.

Then Tyrion veers to the right, into another tunnel, and then into a third tunnel on the left.

“What are these things?” Brienne finally asks, and her voice seems both too loud after their long silence and too small when pressed against the stone and the dark. 

Tyrion laughs.  “I was wondering how long it would take before your curiosity got the better of you.  These are ancient sewers.  In remarkably good shape, considering they’re at least several thousands of years old.”

She frowns.  “So we’re going to end up by the ocean?”

Tyrion grins at her over his shoulder as he pauses in front of an archway that, judging from the cool air wafting from it, leads to a more open space than the tunnel they’re currently in.

“We’re going to end up in Casterly Rock,” he says, and steps through.

*/*/*/*/*

Their flashlights barely dent the darkness that surrounds them and Brienne shudders.  She’s never been claustrophobic, she thinks, but she can definitely see it from here...if she could see anything at all.

She turns to Tyrion and opens her mouth, but before she can speak, Jaime growls, “It’s about bloody time,” and emerges, blinking and dishevelled, from the shadows.

Brienne almost drops her flashlight with relief and both she and Tyrion hurry to his side.

He raises his hands and squints as the beams from their flashlights hit his face.  She scowls when she sees streaks of dried blood on his left cheek.

“You’re hurt,” she says and Tyrion immediately shrugs off his backpack while muttering curses.

“I must look like shit if that’s the first thing you notice,” Jaime says, lifting his hand to the side of his head with a wince.  “Somebody hit me; knocked me cold.  I came round to the sound of alarms and reacted instinctively.”

She frowns.  “Instinctively?”

His grin is rueful.  “Go to ground and avoid the cops.”

Tyrion impatiently gestures for him to kneel.

“Shine your light on his injury,” Tyrion says and Brienne hastens to obey.

Hidden beneath Jaime’s thick golden hair, just above and behind his ear, is a long, deep gash.

Tyrion clicks his tongue then pulls a first aid kit out of his pack.

“I don’t understand,” Brienne says, holding her flashlight steady as Tyrion cleans Jaime’s wound.  “Are you saying somebody knocked you out, then dragged you here to Casterly Rock and deliberately set off the alarms?  For what purpose?  Just to frame you?”

“Oh, I think they wanted to get to the gold,” Jaime says with a pained hiss as Tyrion cleans his wound.  “Framing me was an afterthought at best.”

“Why do you say that?” Tyrion asks.

“Because it really wasn’t very well planned out, was it?  I was unconscious until the alarms started blaring.  If they had been successful, how would that have been explained?  I was knocked out by running into a door?”

Tyrion snorts.  “You _have_ been knocked out by running into a door.”

“To be fair, I was _literally_ running—and you’re the one who closed it in my face!”

“Boys, please!” Brienne snaps.  “Can we focus on the issue at hand?”

“Spoilsport,” Tyrion says.  “Anyway, Jaime, yes, you’re right that it wasn’t well thought out in that respect.  However, mayhaps they didn’t intend for you to be found.  Mayhaps they expected you to wake and wander through the halls near the vaults, trying to figure out where you were.”

“And end up as a distraction for the guards?” Jaime says thoughtfully.  “Clever.”

“Or worse than that.”  Tyrion eyes his handiwork and nods.  “All done.”

“Worse than that?” Brienne asks as Jaime stands.

Tyrion and Jaime exchange a glance.  “The guards in Casterly Rock tend to shoot first and ask questions later,” Jaime says.

“Maybe I do need to start asking for more details about your past,” Brienne mutters, then, “do you have any idea who might have done this to you?”

“Pretty much everyone involved with the movie.  Everything they were bringing to me to test and break were real components of Casterly Rock’s security system.  Oh, what we finally decided upon has some differences to the real thing, but by the time all was said and done, I had given advice on every component of Casterly Rock’s real security system.”

“Yet they still failed to get into the vaults,” Tyrion says, picking up his flashlight and putting on his backpack.

Jaime’s teeth flash in the dim light as he grins.  “I didn’t say I gave _correct_ advice.”

Tyrion laughs and Brienne reluctantly smiles.

“Well,” Tyrion says, “at least you didn’t tell them about the sewers.”

“Hells no, but they must have found another way in.  And they almost managed to get to the gold; I was pretty deep in dangerous territory when I came to my senses.”

“At least you were still high enough above ground to send me a text,” Tyrion says.

“You texted Tyrion and not me?” Brienne demands.

“I only had to send Tyrion a three word message and he knew where to find me.  You and I have yet to develop our own code.”

“Or share some traumas,” Tyrion says drily.

Jaime agrees with a shrug then asks Brienne, “What did you find out at the movie set?”

She shakes her head.  “Nothing that points to a particular suspect, although I think Alyn Cockshaw would gladly bash you over the head just so Daemon would stop talking about you.”

“Jealousy is a horrible thing,” Jaime murmurs.

Brienne feels a flush climb up her cheeks and is grateful for the darkness of the cavern. 

“Were you at the dinner party with Lord Tytos?” she asks.

“I pleaded a previous commitment.  At the time, the last thing I needed was another ‘cousin’ trying to pinpoint how we’re related.  I understand he gave them a tour of the vaults…or at least the areas that don’t give away any secrets.”

“I’m wondering if that’s how they found the plans for the real security system. Maybe whoever did this took the opportunity to rifle through Lord Tytos’ office or someplace similar and found the schematics.  Either that, or somebody in Casterly Rock has been feeding confidential information to somebody involved with the movie.”

“Mayhaps a bit of both,” Tyrion says.  “Money talks and so does glamour.  The thrill of being part of a Jeor Bond movie—no matter how small that part may be—can make some people do stupid things.”

“Like get hit on the head and be left to take the blame?” Brienne says with a pointed glare at Jaime.

“In my defense, that last part was not in the original job offer.”

Brienne snorts.

Tyrion says, “So, now what?  We have a shitload of suspects and no real way of determining who the most likely suspect is.”

“Well,” Jaime says, “I’ve had time to think about that while waiting for you to arrive.”  He turns to Brienne.  “Do you have a nice evening dress?”

“ _What?_ ”

Tyrion rolls his eyes and groans.  “Oh, _come_ on!”

Jaime ignores him, grinning at Brienne.  “Do you have a nice evening dress?”

“Of course not, you idiot!  Why would I?”

Tyrion nudges her and says, “You’re supposed to say, ‘I’ve got a lulu’.”

Jaime laughs outright at Brienne’s confused face.  “ _The Thin Man_ , Willem Powell, Myria Loy, 1934.  The movie climaxes with a dinner party where all the suspects are in attendance.”

“A _dinner_ party?”

“Well, I don’t really want to feed them, but the idea is the same.”

“And just how are we going to arrange that?”

Jaime grins and turns to Tyrion.  “Maybe it’s time we finally met our ‘cousin’, Tytos.”

*/*/*/*/*


	5. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:**   Canon-compliant coarse language.

***/*/*/*/***

In the end, Tyrion convinces Jaime that the best thing Tyrion can do is fade back into the shadows.

“You’re in the public eye,” Tyrion says, lounging in the single armchair in Brienne’s hotel room, “and Father’s already rather angry about that.  You know he’ll just get even angrier if I’m suddenly paraded in the press as your brother.”

“He’s not our father,” Jaime automatically says, “and I think you, too, would be better served if you retired from his... _enterprise_.”

Tyrion’s smile is sharp and bitter.  “Mayhaps; but you still need me connected to that ‘enterprise’...and mayhaps it’s where I belong.”  Jaime opens his mouth but Tyrion lifts his hand to stop his words.  “Whether you like it or not, Tywin raised us, and I can’t simply leave him alone.  Besides, I’m the only heir he has left.”  He shrugs.  “I also take a certain pleasure in my work and unlike you, I do not yet have the desire to leave that pleasure behind.”  He glances at Brienne.  “Does your Jaime Lannister even have a brother?”

Brienne flushes and says, “His private life has always been private...until now.” 

Jaime bites back a laugh as she glares at him.

“So you don’t want to be there when we unmask these people, Tyrion?”  Jaime gestures towards Brienne’s phone, which has the pictures Sam sent, showing two men with caps pulled low over their faces dragging a trunk in and then out of Jaime’s hotel.

Tyrion laughs.  “I would dearly love to be there—but not as your brother and certainly not within eyesight of the City Watch.”  His smile is bitter.  “A dwarf is always more memorable than even a remarkably handsome man or beautiful woman will ever be.”

*/*/*/*/*

In the end, Jaime gives in and Tyrion slips away.

Brienne closes the hotel door and chains it, then walks back to find Jaime eyeing the single bed.

“Well,” he drawls, “at least it’s king-sized.”

She blushes and curses herself for it.  “I’ll sleep on the floor,” she snaps.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jaime sighs tiredly.  “We’re adults; we can share the bed without it getting awkward.”

She gives him a disbelieving—and semi-hurt—glare.

Jaime says, “Let’s not argue.”  He touches the bandage behind his ear and grimaces. “I need a shower and clean clothes and to sleep on something other than cold, bare stone.  Let’s just hope I don’t catch my death of pneumonia after all this.”

“All the more reason for you to have the bed and I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Brienne—”

“I only brought one pair of pajamas, okay?” she snaps.  “We’ll each be half-naked!”

“Well, I’m willing to take the shirt, if that makes you feel better.”

She blushes even more and wonders if her cheeks look as hot as they feel.

Jaime laughs then sobers.  “I’m sorry, Brienne—I shouldn’t tease.”  He gives her a very serious look and says, “You can trust me, you know.  You’re safe with me.”

Brienne almost giddily wonders what he’d say if she told him he’s not the one she’s worried about.

The thought reminds her how ridiculous all of this truly is—plus he’s right, and she’s only making the situation more uncomfortable than it needs to be.

She sighs and walks to the chest of drawers to pull out her pajama bottoms.  She shoves them into his hand and says, “Don’t take forever in the shower.”

*/*/*/*/*

Jaime’s already under the covers and idly watching the news when Brienne finally emerges from the bathroom.  As she sidles into sight, uncomfortably tugging the edge of her t-shirt down even though it already falls to mid-thigh, Jaime realizes this may not have been his brightest idea.

He’d forgotten just how spectacular her legs are and his cock stirs.  He abruptly turns his attention back to the television screen and futilely tries not to watch as Brienne puts her clothes away.  He sternly tells himself it’s disrespectful to ogle her and he shifts uncomfortably while desperately keeping his eyes focused on the television until her legs are safely hidden beneath the blanket.

Beside him.

And he sees the image of those endless legs every time he blinks.

And he swears he can feel the heat of her burning him even though there’s a foot of space between them.  He hastily positions his gold hand over his lap and prays she doesn’t notice the state he’s in.

“Do you know her?”

He startles and gives her a questioning look.

Brienne’s frowning at him and her remarkably beautiful eyes—those eyes that had stopped him in his tracks the first time he saw her being interviewed by Lysa Arryn—are puzzled.

“What?” he asks.

Brienne nods towards the TV.  “You seem pretty focused on this story.  I was just wondering if you know her.”

Jaime frowns and looks back to the TV, where he sees a polished, blandly beautiful newscaster speaking, a picture of an obviously high-born woman on the screen beside her.  He frowns and finally listens to what she’s saying.

“Lady Donella Bolton has not been seen for more than a month.  Her husband, Lord Ramsay, filed a missing person’s report this afternoon at the urging of Lady Bolton’s family.  The Dreadfort City Watch are currently investigating and ask anyone who may have information about Lady Bolton’s whereabouts to please call the number on your screen.”

Jaime shakes his head. “No, no, I don’t know her.”

“Oh,” Brienne says and ducks her head.  “You were just so focused on the story, I just wondered…”  She trails off into embarrassed silence.

For the first time in more years than he cares to remember, Jaime feels a blush crawl up his cheeks.  “Well,” he mutters, “a missing high-born woman is news.”

Brienne nods and they sit in awkward silence for a moment until she turns to him and says, “Are you going to sleep with your hand on?”

He ponders his gold hand where it’s still protecting his unruly—albeit finally deflating—cock from her sight.

“I mean, won’t it be uncomfortable?” she continues.

“Only if I roll on top of it,” he says with a half-smile.  “I’ll try to make sure I don’t end up hitting you with it, either.”

She rolls her eyes.  “Just take it off,” she says, “and get a good night’s sleep.”

He gives her a smile.  “I’ll sleep just fine,” he says and hands her the remote.  “Speaking of…”

She takes the remote, fingers brushing against his and his traitorous cock twitches again.  He gives her a quick smile and hastily turns on his side.  He slides down until his head is on his pillow.

“Good-night, Brienne,” he calls over his shoulder and resolutely closes his eyes.

*/*/*/*/*

The morning is, thankfully and rather surprisingly, comfortable.  Jaime puts on his rather-worse-for-wear clothes and they head out for breakfast then shop for replacement clothes.  While they sit in a coffee shop in the downtown district, Brienne makes a couple of phone calls.

She disconnects her last call and Jaime lifts his cup in a toast.

“Ready?” he asks.

She picks up her own cup.  “Ready,” she says, and clinks her cup against his.

*/*/*/*/*

Lord Tytos Lannister is amiable and easy-going, forthcoming, jovial and very, very curious.

“Margot and I can’t find you in our family tree, Jaime, no matter how hard we look,” he says, leading them into his expansive study, “but no matter.  There were so many branches to the Lannister family even before the first Jaime took the Iron Throne, it can sometimes be difficult to pinpoint from which one a family line originated.”

“There’s also some question of my great-great-grandfather’s legitimacy,” Jaime says.

“Times have changed,” Tytos says with a careless wave of his hand.  “‘Bastard’ doesn’t have quite the same meaning anymore.”

He gestures for them to sit and they settle in the comfortable armchairs cozily arranged around the coffee table in front of the fireplace.

Tytos says, “I took from your call that you’re here because of that trouble in the vaults.”

Brienne’s smile is faintly amused at Tytos’ wording, but “Yes, yes, we are,” is all she says.

“Does Commander Marbrand know you’re here?”

Jaime says, “I hope you don’t mind, but we’ve asked him meet us here.”  As he speaks, they hear the soft chime of a doorbell.  “That’s hopefully him now.”

They wait in companionable silence for the few moments it takes for the castle’s butler to escort Addam Marbrand to the study.

He doesn’t smile as he shakes Jaime’s hand, his eyes coolly assessing, before he, too, sits.

“Safe and sound, I see,” he says.

Jaime ruefully touches the bandage behind his ear.  “For the most part.”

Brienne and Jaime explain what happened to him, and they hand over prints of the pictures Sam had provided.

“We’re not certain, of course,” she says briskly, “but we believe these two men smuggled Jaime out of the hotel in that trunk.”

“I’m glad I was unconscious,” Jaime says drily.  “Claustrophobia is not fun.”

“Where have you been the last couple of days?” Marbrand asks with a skeptical lift to his eyebrow.

“Gone to ground,” Jaime says, and bites back a chuckle at just how literal that phrase is in this case.  “Brienne was on her way even before the attempted theft, and I knew I just needed to lay low until she arrived.”

“Why didn’t you go to the City Watch?”

“Would you have believed me?  I didn’t know who had knocked me unconscious and left me near the vaults; I certainly didn’t know how they—whoever ‘they’ are—were able to drag me there undetected.”

“Yes, there will need to be more investigation into the guards,” Marbrand murmurs.

Tytos tuts comfortably.  “Most are members of my family, Marbrand; I doubt any of them had anything to do with this.”

“Still, it’s a potential weakness in the overall security system that will need to be reviewed,” Brienne says briskly.  “In the meantime, we need to determine if those two men are hidden among our main suspects.”

Marbrand nods.  “Well, I can question them all again.”  He waves the photos.  “These might help put some pressure on them.”

“I have a better idea,” Jaime says.

Marbrand raises an eyebrow.  “And what might that be?”

Jaime slowly smiles.  “Have you ever watched _The Thin Man_?”

*/*/*/*/*

That evening, Brienne stands with several of Commander Marbrand’s men and watches with rueful resignation as their suspects file into the dining room.  Daenerys practically glows in the soft light while Daario looks just as handsomely ridiculous as the first time she met him.  Gormon Peake is next with Margot by his side.  Margot immediately goes to Tytos with her hands outstretched and a fond smile on her face.  The cousins exchange kisses on the cheek as Glendon Ball and Hyle Hunt walk in.  Finally, Daemon and Alyn arrive, a dark scowl on Alyn’s face—a scowl that gets even darker when he catches sight of Jaime, all golden and beautiful, dressed in an impeccable dark suit and tie, standing beside Addam Marbrand at the head of the table.

Daemon’s face lights up.  “Jaime!” he cries and hurries towards him.

“For the gods’ sake,” Alyn says with disgust, “you’re more star struck than he is!”

Daemon rolls his eyes and turns his mega-watt smile on Jaime as they shake hands.  “I’m just happy to see you!  It’s been a few days, and I didn’t want to think you had left Lannisport without saying good-bye.”

Jaime’s smile is as charming as ever as he says, “I’m too much of a fan to ever do that.”

Daemon actually blushes and Brienne thinks she can hear Alyn’s teeth grinding as he drags his erstwhile lover away.  When they finally sit down, Alyn makes sure they’re as far from Jaime as possible.

Finally, Tytos gestures for silence then says, “Well, Jaime, Brienne, this is your party.”

“Thank you,” Jaime says.  He exchanges a glance with Brienne then with Addam seated on his other side before he leans forward, resting his hands on the top of the table.  “As you know, there was a failed attempt to break into the Casterly Rock vaults.”  He nods at Addam and says, “I believe you all know the Commander?  He’s been kind enough to allow us to consult on the case.  Over the course of the investigation, we’ve agreed there is every reason to believe the people responsible for the crime are sitting at this table.”

There are discreet gasps and Jaime lets the implications sink in before he continues.

“Besides the fact somebody had us examine and breach every one of the real, non-human, components of Casterly Rock’s security system, the perpetrators also knocked me unconscious, kidnapped me, and left me in the vaults—I assume in an attempt to frame me for the crime.”

Alyn snorts and sneers, “Do you seriously expect us to believe they were dragging your unconscious ass around while they were attempting to break in to the most secure location in Westeros?”

Peake barks a harsh laugh and says, “I certainly wouldn’t put that plot twist in a movie...it’s far too implausible.”

Jaime’s smile is fleeting.  “Implausible, I agree, unless the perpetrators knew they were unlikely to be stopped.  Or noticed.”

“Now, see here,” Tytos blurts, abruptly straightening, “most of the guards are members of my family!  They would never allow somebody to simply walk in and steal the gold!”

“They may not have known that’s what they were doing,” Brienne says, “or the perpetrators may have corrupted one of the guards who isn’t a member of your family.”

“Still,” Marbrand says, “to drag an unconscious man along while committing a crime for the sole purpose of—what?  Throwing suspicion on him?  Seems extreme.”

“It does seem over the top, doesn’t it?” Jaime says with a thoughtful air, “and, not very well planned, obviously.”  He returns his attention back to Tytos.  “Who was at the dinner you held for the movie crew?”

“Well, everyone at this table, except for you, of course, and Brienne, and Commander Marbrand.”

“What did you talk about that evening?  Did you give everyone a tour of the castle and the vaults?”

Tytos blinks, startled.  “Why...yes, of course.  I showed them round a small part of the castle—it would take hours to show them all of it, of course!—and the public face of the vaults.”

“Did everyone go with you on that tour?”

“Yes.”

“Then what happened?”

“We started talking about the history of Casterly Rock and we ended up in my study, reviewing the maps of the castle I had commissioned several years ago.”  He beams round the table.  “I’m always happy to speak to people about the history of this castle and my family.”

“Who looked at the maps with you?”

“Oh, everyone!”

Jaime smiles a little.  “All right.  Did anyone spend more time looking at the maps than anyone else?”

Tytos frowns, thinking.  “Well, Margot barely glanced at the drawings since she’s seen them all before.  Dany and Daemon and Daario looked at a few of the maps before they wandered off to find Margot.  I didn’t keep track of the time, but I believe Glendon, Hyle, Gormon, Alyn, and I spent an hour or more after that poring over the maps.”

Protests immediately erupt around the table and Jaime watches with a slight smile as the four men in question shout denials over each other while everyone else watches with wide eyes and gaping mouths.

Gormon shouts, “You cannot honestly believe that one of us is behind all this!”

“Two of you, actually,” Brienne says and slides one of the photos across to him.

Peake picks it up and his sour mouth tightens as he glares at it.

“What _is_ this?” Margot snaps, snatching the picture from Peake’s hand.

“It’s from the CCTV in the lobby of Jaime’s hotel.  These two men arrived around midnight with that trunk, and left a half hour later...with that trunk.”

“So?” Alyn snaps.  “It’s a hotel!  People come and go all the time!”

“True; only these men never checked in and they also never checked out.”

“Again, so?”

Brienne’s smile is cold.  “Even for a hotel, that’s odd.”  She nods towards the picture.  “We’re still analyzing each frame of the video, but we’ll eventually find one where their faces are even more clearly visible.”

“Plus we have the license plate of the car,” Jaime adds, the lie rolling off his tongue with ease.  “It’s only a matter of time before we positively identify these people.  Still, it’s an awful lot of trouble to go to just to frame somebody for a crime that, if done correctly, wouldn’t have been discovered for a very long time.”

Glendon frowns.  “What do you mean?  It’d be discovered immediately, wouldn’t it?”

Brienne says, “We had our associates in King’s Landing do some research.  A visual inspection of the gold in the vaults is done every month, true, but the last full inspection, where each gold bar was weighed, well...”  She turns to Tytos.  “The last one we can find referenced is twenty years ago, when you became Lord of Casterly Rock and Warden of the West.”

Tytos rolls his eyes.  “Do you have any idea of the sheer volume of gold in those vaults?  Did your research also tell you it took us six months to complete the inspection the last time?”

Silence follows his words and Jaime watches minds race as they try to do the math.

Tytos slowly says, “On second thought, I probably shouldn’t have told you that.”

“Probably not,” Jaime says with a thread of amusement.  “Be that as it may, under those circumstances, a couple of bars discreetly removed would likely not have been noticed until another full inspection was completed—likely by your successor, Lord Tytos.”

Tytos sighs and grumbles, “I suspect I’ll be doing another one once word of this gets back to the King and the Kingsguard.”

Peake gives Tytos a sour look and turns back to Jaime and Brienne.  “What does this have to do with...well, anything?”

Jaime leans back in his chair.  “The fact this could have been an undiscovered crime, yet the perpetrators went to great pains to clumsily frame me, tells me two things:  one, the people who did this are rank amateurs; and two, what was done to me was _personal_ , because of course, everyone’s right:  it’s beyond ludicrous to drag an unconscious man along while you’re attempting the heist of the century.”

Hyle frowns.  “Since it’s so ludicrous, how do we know you weren’t part of the team and your partners knocked you unconscious and left you to take the blame only once the alarms went off?”

Jaime raises an eyebrow.  “Good question,” he says, “I can see why you’re a writer.  That really would make more sense, wouldn’t it?  Except if I were part of the team, the alarms wouldn’t have gone off and I’d be sitting somewhere with several gold bars in my suitcase.”

Brienne leans forward and quickly says, “Not to mention you wouldn’t have agreed to steal the gold anyway.”

Jaime smirks at her, eyes twinkling.  “Spoilsport,” he murmurs and turns back to the table.  “Be that as it may, here’s what I think:  even for rank amateurs, they still managed to make it past the first two levels of security.  To do that while dragging an unconscious man with them meant they were confident they wouldn’t be discovered by the guards any time soon.” 

He turns back to Tytos.  “Which of these four men were most interested in the maps of the castle?”

Hyle sits up straight and says, “Hey!  I wasn’t that interested; there just wasn’t anything else to do!”

Tytos glares and says, “Well, you didn’t ask any questions, that’s true.”

“Who did?” Brienne asks.

“Glendon was the most curious.”

Glendon’s eyes widen and he stammers, “I’m a special effects director; I like building things and besides, castles have always been my passion.”

Brienne hums and says, “Was anyone left alone with the maps?”

Tytos says, “That night?  No.”

Jaime pounces, “Who _has_ been left alone with the maps?”

Tytos blinks, confused.  “Oh, lots of people!  They’re not exactly secret!”

“Has anyone at this table been left alone with them?”

“Of course.  Margot and Gormon.  They’re regular visitors.  In fact, Gormon helped me find the mapmaker I commissioned to complete them.”

All eyes turn to Gormon, whose sour face slowly turns red.  “I had nothing to do with this,” he growls.

“Hyle,” Brienne says thoughtfully, “who identified each component of the security system for Jaime to test?”

Hyle licks his lips as his eyes dart from person to person.  “Well, I—I got them from Glendon.”

Glendon starts and says, “Don’t look at me!  I got them from Margot!”

Margot scowls.  “And I told you I got them from—”  She stops and turns to stare at her husband, an expression of horror growing on her face.  “Gormon...”

Everyone turns their eyes back to Gormon, whose face is now almost purple.

“For the gods’ sake,” Alyn suddenly snaps, “keep your mouth shut!  Anything you say will just make you look even guiltier!”

Gormon rolls his eyes and turns on him.  “Shut up, you _idiot_!  We wouldn’t even be in this mess if it weren’t for you!”

The silence that follows his words is sharp and full of possibility as what he said slowly settles over everyone at the table.

“Who else was involved?” Brienne asks, almost gently.

Gormon and Alyn glare at each other for another long moment, then Alyn defiantly lifts his chin and says, “It was just the two of us.”

Peake growls, his hands clenching into fists.  “They had no evidence, you fucking _moron_!”

Alyn shakes his head.  “The video, the car, fingerprints in the hotel bathroom.”

Jaime raises an eyebrow.  “You really are rank amateurs.”

Brienne rolls her eyes and says, “How did you get into the vaults?  Did you bribe the guards?”

Alyn’s shoulders slump.  “We didn’t need to.  There’s a secret passage that leads from the Lord’s bedchamber into the middle of the vaults, where it connects with a second secret passage that ends in the sub-sub-basement of a bed and breakfast in the old part of Lannisport.”

Tytos sits upright in his chair.  “There is not!”

“There is,” Gormon says with a defeated sigh, “you’ve just never noticed it.  I saw it the first time you showed us the maps.  It took some time to find the other half of the tunnel, but once I did, well, I had another fucking Bond movie to make and I thought, why not let life imitate art?”

Margot stares at her husband with wide-eyed dismay.  “Why?” she whispers.  “Why would you do such a thing?”

Peake slams his fist on the table, making everyone jump.  “Because I’m sick to death of being forced to make shit movies!  Bond, Bond, Bond!  It’s all anyone wants; all anyone talks about!  I can’t get anyone to look at any of my scripts that aren’t about that fucking asshole!  I started making movies because I love them, because when done right, they can change the world and are beautiful works of art!  Instead I ended up tied to this one, disgusting, formulaic franchise that I can’t shake no matter how hard I try!”  His shoulders slump.  “I wanted enough money to make the movies I want to make and tell everyone else to go fuck themselves!”

Margot blinks tears from her eyes and says, “Why didn’t you ever say anything?  I could have helped you find a way to achieve your dreams!”

He glares.  “What could you have done?” he sneers.  “You’re wealthy, yes, but not rich enough for what I wanted to achieve.  And I didn’t want loans or other investors!  I deal with enough of that shit for the Bond movies!  Besides, I didn’t want anyone telling me what to create ever again!  No, getting my hands on some of that gold was my only hope for creative freedom.”

They all stare at him in silence until Daemon slowly turns to Alyn and says, “And what’s your excuse?”

Alyn’s defiant stance crumbles.  “I did it for you,” he says to him, his eyes soft.

Daemon blinks.  “Me?”

“I wanted to give you a reason to stay with me.  You’re slipping away from me—don’t think I can’t see it!  You’re always running after one pretty face after another.”  Alyn glares at Jaime before turning back to his erstwhile lover.  “I wanted enough money so you’d realize I was the one who was best for you.”

Daemon’s face crumples.  “Oh, Alyn,” he whispers.  “I didn’t need money to stay with you!  I flirt, yes, but you know I’ve always loved you.  I’ve told you over and over that I’ve never cheated.  I wish you could believe me.”

Alyn’s lips lift in a sneer. “Right,” he says bitterly.  He turns and glares again at Jaime.  “Daemon was so fucking infatuated with you, it was only a matter of time before he left me.”

Jaime’s eyes widen.  “I flirt, yes,” he says, “but I prefer women.  Daemon knows that.”

“Of course I do,” Daemon says, “but there’s nothing wrong with some harmless flirting.”

“Exactly,” Jaime says with a nod.

“Nothing harmless about it,” Alyn hisses.  “It was my idea to kidnap you and bring you along on the heist.  It was a perfect plan:  we’d get into the vaults through the tunnel, use what you taught us to disable the remaining security components, take what we wanted, and leave you behind to take the blame.  And it would also get you out of Daemon’s life!”  He suddenly scowls.  “Instead, we tripped the alarms almost immediately.”

Jaime raises an eyebrow.  “You should have practiced more,” he murmurs, then turns to stare at Peake.  “Why did you agree to that idea?”

Peake shrugs.  “It was stupid, yes, but we were planning on robbing the most secure facility in Westeros.  Anything that would throw the Lannisport City Watch and the Kingsguard off the trail sounded like a good plan.  Who would believe your story after you were found in the depths of the vault?”  He frowns.  “How _did_ you escape detection?”

Jaime’s smile is thin and cold as he turns to Commander Marbrand.  “Enough?”

Marbrand nods.  “More than enough,” he says, and gestures for his men to take Peake and Alyn into custody.

*/*/*/*/*

Lord Tytos shakes Jaime’s, then Brienne’s, hands.  “Thank you,” he says.  “I have to say, I didn’t think it would work.”

“I wasn’t sure it would, either,” Jaime says, “but we had to try.”

“It’s just a pity Margot will be heartbroken over this for a long time.  Still, I appreciate all you’ve done here tonight.  If you send me the details about your great-great-grandfather, I’ll update the family tree so you can take your place with pride in House Lannister.”

“I’ll see what I can dig up,” Jaime says smoothly.

“We should get going,” Brienne hastily says and they turn towards the door.

“Jaime!” Tytos calls and they pause to look over their shoulders.

“How _did_ you get out of the vault before the guards arrived?” Tytos asks.

Jaime smiles.  “The same way they brought me in,” he says.

*/*/*/*/*

“Is that true?” Brienne asks as their taxi pulls away from Casterly Rock.

“Is what true?” Jaime asks, a teasing glint in his green eyes.

“ _Did_ you leave the way you came in?”

Jaime’s smile is slow and—her eyes narrow—almost seductive.  “You have to let me have _some_ secrets, Brienne,” he purrs.

She melts a little beneath that purr then shakes her head.

“You already have more than enough secrets,” she sniffs and turns to look out the window.

*/*/*/*/*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:**   While not intentional, please consider Jaime’s awkward boner in this chapter my contribution to JB Online’s Jaime’s Awkward Boner Month.


	6. Epilogue

“Brienne Tarth speaking.”

“You still don’t recognize my number?”

“The last couple of times it’s been Tyrion instead.”

“Good point.”

...

...

“Why’d you phone, Jaime?”

“No particular reason, except...well, I don’t think I’ve said it yet...and just…thank you.  For believing me.”

“...did you really steal gold from Casterly Rock in the past?”

“What would you do with the information if I told you?”

“How could you have gotten away with it?  Everyone agrees—and I’ve seen it for myself—Casterly Rock is virtually unbreachable.”

“Virtually does not mean perfectly or absolutely.”

“So, the sewers then?”

“The best way to breach a security system, Brienne, is to go around it.  Still, even with your doubts, you believed me when I told you I was innocent.  This time, at least.”

“...well, you’re just lucky they confessed and confirmed your story...why are you laughing?”

“Because you are absolutely one-of-a-kind, and I hope you never change.”

...

...

“I should get going.”

“Ah, yes.  I saw Hyle talking very earnestly to you at the airport.  Has he finally worn down your resistance?”

“None of your business, Jaime!”

“Oh, come on, Brienne!  I thought we were friends!”

“Friends?  Really?  Where are _you_ right now, Jaime?”

“...good-night, Brienne.”

“Good-night, Jaime.”

*/*/*/*/*

Jaime stares down at the phone in his hand, frowning a little.

“Father will not be pleased,” Tyrion says in bored tones.

Jaime turns and says, “He’s not our father.”

Tyrion glances up from the papers strewn on the table in front of him.  “Be that as it may:  you know Brienne is going to call in a tip to the Kingsguard.  Once they investigate, we won’t have free run of the Casterly Rock vaults anymore, not to mention the crime will finally be on the Kingsguard’s radar even if it’s never made public.”

Jaime shrugs as he slips his phone into his pocket and strolls towards him.

“It’s not like we’ve been in the vaults in years.  Besides,” his sudden smile is thin and sharp, “I’m sure during your last few hours in Lannisport you managed to get enough to keep us all—even Cersei, if need be—in the lap of luxury for the rest of our lives.”

“Assuming I wish to share with you or anyone else.”

Jaime chuckles as he stands beside Tyrion and looks down at the papers on the table, one of which is a map.

“What have you learned?” he asks as he absently releases the vacuum socket holding his gold hand to his forearm.  He places it on the table and flexes and stretches his cramped fingers, then tries to massage some feeling back into his hand.

Tyrion glances at him and shakes his head.  “You know you’ll have to tell her at some point, right?” he says with a tilt of his head.

“I know,” Jaime says without looking at him.  “What have you found?” he asks again.

Tyrion stares at him in silence then sighs.  “The sword hilt, at least, is somewhere in the Reach, as far as I can tell.  The dragon bone, unfortunately, has been a little more difficult to trace.”

“Show me what you have,” Jaime says and peers intently at the mas while Tyrion speaks.

*/*/*/*/*

Brienne drops her phone on her desk and lets the silence of the empty office settle round her.  She picks up Hyle’s business card and gently taps its edge against the desktop.

Mayhaps she _should_ call him.  He’s an ass, true, but still…he seems innocuous enough.  Besides, he was actually almost personable when they were at the airport; still a bit too interested in the possibility she has valuable property on Tarth rather than in her, personally, but it’s not like she wants to marry the man!  Sex, on the other hand, might be just what she needs to take her mind off of Jaime and his impossibly handsome face and finely sculptured torso that would make the Maiden weep and the Crone toss up her skirts no matter how old she is.  If Brienne closes her eyes, she can still see him, shirtless and magnificent in her pajama bottoms.

She savors the memory then shakes it away.  Jaime’s as out of her reach as the moon and besides, he’s most likely with Cersei right at this moment.

Brienne sighs as she thoughtfully considers the business card.  Mayhaps mindless sex with Hyle is just what she needs…

She has a sudden premonition of just how horrible it would be and grimaces.  She leans to the side and drops the card in her recycle bin.

She stands and shrugs on her suit jacket as she strides for the door.

She’s desperate, yes, but she’s not _that_ desperate.

#####


End file.
